if it walks like a guido and talks like a guido, i'm gonna fuck it.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
once you get past the part where you think youre gonna die, its the most amazing drug ive ever experienced.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
I don't know what it was about last night, but every bar that i went to there was at least one girl there that i had done something with. I'm sure the girl that i went with knew because they all grabbed my penis and told me to call them.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Even worse we were making a sex tape so our reaction to the condom breaking was recorded.
What do you take me for? I'm not trying to lure you into bed with stories of my dead aunt.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
Randomize
