so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
And you will no longer be getting a thank you note from my vagina
yesterday you declined a drink because you "didn't want to be responsible for it" ok kanye...
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
I think I met my butt stuff soulmate
She has an alarming number of pictures with cat ears but the sex is amazing.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
