so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
he made me salute his american flag boxers before i took them off
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
He gave me a book last time I slept there. Im beginning to feel like a really weird hooker. Like instead of money he gives me random shit he has lying around. like hamburger buns
I still think it's messed up that you're naming your kids after all the guys you slept with in college
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
thank you whoever used my nalgene as a flask. pregamin in chem
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
If you had been home 20 minutes ago, you probably would've caught me masturbating, so it might be for the best.
I slept on her porch...in her dads handcuffs
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
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