You're gonna have to start calling my house phone from now on
How come?
Cuz 'Dad' looked pretty similar to the word Dane when i sent that picture message
I'm going to shit on something weird... I can't wait
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
Am I a whore if I make out with a boy just so michelle can't?
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
I'm gonna play a drinking game called "Sarah takes the train"
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
These are your "grown up" slampiece's new hours of operation; please plan accordingly
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
i can trust myself, just not when im drunk. and drinking is my favorite pastime
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Let the healthy eats/juice cleanse begin. Today is day 1
Have you cleansed yourself of the boy yet?
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