Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
i chipped my tooth tryin to cut thru her pantyhose. that stuff is bulletproof.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
Getting a vibrator would be like waving the white flag of surrender in this war against my vagina and its hormone army.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
Getting drunk at 9 am is not a super power.
Her vagina is like the upper echelon of Scientology and I don't have enough money to get in
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Being forward is somethimes a problems. Like in sexual deity Kong.
I think you’re losing coherence.
I am
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Randomize
