oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
hey, what are you doing? my roommates are gone for the night... you should come over ;)
nah, i'm gonna grab some food
I heard you threw up in your lap?
I heard that too.
Helping high family members not look retarded is what family is for
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
All of my exes are either overweight and neckbearded or dead. Someone out there is looking out for me.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Uh oh we had sex and I don't think I like him anymore help
I was informed this morning that I took all my clothes off and ran around the whole apartment complex. Being as they just moved in, welcome to the neighborhood.
I can't really text bc it's too expensive but I thought youd like to know I just shit myself in a gift shop.
Theres a free llama on craigslist. Are you in or are you in?
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