Marg and I just meaowed the nat anthem. I was tenor.
'm tripping baaaaaaaaaaaaaaas
Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
my three year anniversary of no dick sucking is coming up. you can throw me a party with a penis cake.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
I Know I'm the drunk girl in the trunk right now, BUT PLEASE LISTEN TO ME!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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