some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
He is like the real live version of the state fair..
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
So i just got guilted into doing a tequila shot by a group of guys chanting "USA!" at me.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Sorry that I was such a monster last night. It was the drugs, I promise.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
I need to hurry up and get over my feelings for him so next year's tipsy reunion sex won't be clouded by emotions.
Randomize
