I was eating her out when she coughed, I just swallowed a bright red blood clot
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
I haven't shaved in at least a week, he said "obviously neither one of us was prepared for this"
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Well Apparently I went to piss out my window last night, woulda been ok if I opened the window or the blinds.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
First sex of the summer I'm winning 1-0
GET HOME NOW
Oh shit
I'm out of milk so I'm dunking my Oreos in Bailey's; this is my life now.
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
Now after not puking, next step is not to do the accent when immigration says "hello."
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Randomize
