maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
do you think they make 'sorry for walking in on you drunkenly jacking of to a picture of me' cards?
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I just used bulldog clips for nipple clamps. Also, a wooden spoon as a paddle. DYI Domination or Ghetto Bondage?
Reminding you of hookups your brain is trying to suppress. That's what friends are fooooooooor...
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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