I could literally track my booty calls if I ever got knocked up by my parking tickets
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
How bad would it be if I wore out the dress we got peed on in. You're the only one who knows.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Randomize
