My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
It was then that he suggested we all nibble ears. A nibble circle.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
You took it upon yourself to rid the world of them, and by that I mean you dressed up as Batman and started kicking them in the shins.
One day, tell me please to stop buying shots when I'm overwhelmed. I might have just broken a tooth
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
But there's never enough margarita money.
This is going to be one of those situations where we lose a day, isn't it
Google imaged your anal issues. Seems fuckable still.
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
