too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
there is nothing more depressing than your birth control alarm going off while you're masturbating, and realizing you've been taking pointless precautions for over a month now.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
Cutting up lines with the edge of my birth control packet. Just reminding you this is the person you've CHOSEN to be monogamous with.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
My google history for last night included "Whre is johns house" and "wher can i buy nukes?" Pretty sure they're related to one another.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
Randomize
