It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
I know I'm really high but I swear I just saw him beating off to his fantasy football roster.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
the bartender cut you off himself after you started walking on tops of tables and hugging random people
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
Just passed the animal clinic parking lot I had to pull over to puke in during welcome week. I can almost hear the dogs barking at my shame again.
Dude I asked him to get me beef jerky at 4 am and he actually walked to CVS to get it. CVS closes at 12 but it was the perfect opp to dip out
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Last night i walked into a gas station to get condoms. I threw them on the counter and the guy gave me a funny look because i was wearing a bra under an open cardigan and no shoes. I screamed "DONT JUDGE ME!" and he gave them to me for free.
Randomize
