I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
Her boobs looked like leather oven mitts. No more cougar hunting for awhile.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
When did it seem like a good idea to do pull ups off the balcony? After beer 5 or shot 7?
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Yeah, it kinda sucks. But it was fun while it lasted. And honestly, his penis is way too big for my life.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
Why am I a human magnet for the worst dicks of the world?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
