I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Nutrition teacher wants anything i eat or drink documented for the week including dancefestopia. Do you know the recommended daily ammount of psylicybin or MDMA?
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Randomize
