She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
dude we were making out and she kept singing the americas next top model song. you wanna be on top?
He dated me before I started drinking. I feel like he deserves a consolation bj for all the effort he had to put in to get in my pants.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
i left after you tried to balance a shot of tequila on your head while screaming at the bar tender that you fucked his girlfriend
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
the manischevitz sangria was a big hit
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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