so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You know, if there were no such thing as marriage, i don't think porn would exist.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
the semester isnt officially over until i take the batteries out of my calculator and put them back into my vibrator
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
Breakfast Clubbing as Juggalos. I can feel our IQs in freefall.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
Benefits of having to stay in jail for the weekend: learned how to make my own make up out of colored pencils. Also how to make use of toothpaste for hair products. Downfall was probably getting hit on by a murderer. Only me.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Are we at that level of friendship where we can share slutty stories and not hold it against the other person at a later date ?
Last night was fun. Sorry I slipped out before you woke up
Also, your parents get up REALLY early. Please thank them for the bagel and travel mug of coffee. Happy Thanksgiving!
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