Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to concentrate on legal issues with the ghost of his giant penis in me?
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
I spent half my night explaining that i'm in an open relationship to the guys that I liked, and the other half of the night explaining that I have a boyfriend to the guys that I didn't like.
Randomize
