college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I'm like a number 27.2 on a scale of 1-10 of how badly I want you right now.
Your lack of a response brings it down to a 25.4.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
The impact your presence has on my vagina without even putting your hands on me is quite astonishing, impressive and a little disturbing.
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
You know that thing where you wouldn't typically eat ass but you're in love with him so you want to eat his ass, because it's HIS ass
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
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