I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
But seriously who drew a dick on a tortilla and nailed it to the door?
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today
I aimed for bossy but it came out slutty
When you're as high as I am right now brushing your teeth is both magical and fucking terrifying
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
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