No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
i will pay you if you can come get me. he just suggested that we would have a hockey themed wedding.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
this morning's inventory: a top hat, two empty bottles of everclear, half a slim jim, cigars, tiara, pot necklace, and some fishnets. and that's just my purse.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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