I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
the people going to church this morning while i was walking home did not seem as pleased as i was with how many beads i earned last night
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Its so akward after he cums on my face. like usually the porn just ends
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
She found 60 bucks at the strip club. Its probabably been in a vagina but really most money probably has
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
