I want to kish your cheek
My cheeks are in Michigan
Oh my lips are kind of stretchy
He is an equal opportunity slut.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
every time fb tells me a dude i fucked is now friends with another dude ive fucked, i die a little inside. thats way more honesty than im comfortable with.
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
Just told my mom life fisted my asshole. She looked at me with complete understanding. I'm scared...
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