dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I added "don't hook up with boys with girlfriends" to my new years resolution and realized how sad it was that it made me actually feel like a better person
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
Dunno yet. Probably just gonna play the s.t.d. russian roulette game with random bartenders at the beach again. Same 'ol same 'ol
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
He walked upstairs in nothing but his boxers and drunkenly asked my brother for a condom....so much for a good first impression.
Randomize
