There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
Apparently I was playing rock paper scissors against myself for 2 hours in the bathroom mirror.
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
