whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
Some guy shouted fuck america during the national anthem, i decked him. They threw him out. USA USA USA!
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
We need to get sombreros so I can give them to strippers.
I've watched enough of my roommate's imported Japanese satellite to know when the exchange students are calling me a whore.
yeah dropping that class because i really don't want to be known as the girl who fell asleep in class and threw up as she walked out for an entire semester
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
My dry spell starts kindergarten this fall...
They grow up so fast.
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
Guy from the bar last night left his number on my waterbill on the counter, at the bottom he put don't forget I can hook you up at Little Caesars I work their part time.
You sure know how to pick em.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize
