Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
I'm pretty sure I got a cavity today due to how many times I've puked hungover at work.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
