My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
My vagina is so ashamed right now. It won't even look at me.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
Woke up in a kilt. And it's not my kilt. Drinking was a success.
its time for step 4 of getting over him: post his number on the transvestite page on craigs list asking for pics
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
Dude she said she'd let me snort a line off her ass now I just have to wait for them to break up
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
THIS IS NOT A LAUGHING MATTER, CAITLIN. MY PARENTS ARE FUCKING. LOUDLY.
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
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