the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
I will be horny for about another two hours. Feel free to call me until then.
My mom just got knocked over by a rollerblader. I'm trying not to laugh, bc my family looks pretty concerned
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
These eggs taste like chocolate chip cookies. This is the best hangover ever.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
Ask her if it hurt when she broke through earths crust as she ascended from hell
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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