I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
It's one of the reasons i'm here, along with emotional support, physical support if you need it, and power orgasms.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I hope my orgasm sounds aren't secretly that bad and no one tells me
How does this dude know what a dying walrus sounds like? That's the real question
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
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