If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
My boss just told me $1,000 at a six hour event wouldn't be worth her time. She makes $70k a yr. and apparently never learned multiplication.
Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Why do I always give away anal sex as birthday presents?
Shut up... one mans birthday cake is another mans sodomy my friend
He felt like a one man threesome
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Like, actually questioning if you ate dog shit last night
Make sure you plan your visit for October. That's ACL festival, it's like every Bro in the country converges on Austin. My vagina wants to go hunting.
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I have a hunchback of notre dame journal from when I was 6 wherein sits a diary entry that reads "saw liar liar today. Carrey's best yet" and that's all.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Randomize
