You give one guy a hand job and suddenly everyone wants to get with you
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
Randomize
