his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
the game I always play with drunk me is can-you-button-and-unbutton things? If the answer is no, go home. Usually it's his pants
Nuts. Absolutely nuts. she just screamed in my face something about not knowing whats happening and then got tackled by a dude
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Is "incoherent" a legit goal to strive for tonight? Or should I stay sober enough to fuck who I can?
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
We played table tennis, but used tv remotes taped to our foreheads instead of paddles. Every time your opponent scored you took a shot. I'm the current champion as of last night.
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
