In case you were wondering, you weren't dreaming. I really did get stuck between my bed and the wall last night.
We need to start having sex underwater more often.
I stole a road cone for their 13 yr old son. Apparently I told him to put Christmas lights on it, and "treat her like a lady."
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
Well now that I've given all the athletes mono there goes our chance of winning any conference championship
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
he puked in the sink and didnt turn off the water before he passed out on the bathroom floor. its been 2 hrs and we finally noticed that the whole fucking house is flooded. to hell with this birthday party
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Jesus Christ that hit just spoke to so many levels of my soul. It's caressing them softly
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Randomize
