i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
Well we ran into the cornfields when the cops got there. We'd been hiding in there for 45 mins when he asks me "So this wasn't exactly how I'd planned this but I thought I'd ask. How do you feel about oral sex?"
friends don't let friends hook up with gingers.
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Stop trying to get a gf and raw dog some forest beasts like sasquatch
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
You puked on the bar then proceeded to walk out. I told the bartender some girl walked up, puked and left and he gave me a free drink. Hope you got home safe.
His name is Dustib. Not a typo. I just can't.
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
I gave him breakup sex, AGAIN
Randomize
