Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Every single piece. I examined every single square inch of this peanut butter and jelly sandwich. and fell in love with every inch. that high.
We tried to make a sex tape, but we were hammered and she forgot to take the cap off the camera. Somebody starts snoring 10 minutes in.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Tell Chris I said sorry for yelling "It's my vagina, let me do what I want with it!" at the party last night.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
Please come over, I'm slowly melting into a ball of sexual frustration. If I'm not dead by the end of the day be very surprised.
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He sent me a snap with the dog tongue filter. I might have to bench him.
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