Jesus was obviously not given an itemized list of your sins before he died for them
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
You okay?
I walked into work with a banana and a loaf of bread
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
so "excuse the stench" wasn't the correct thing to say when your boyfriend's parents walk in on you shitting. Live and learn
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
I've done dumber things than this for flimsier reasons. Come with. If I pull it off I need a witness, and if I fail I need an escape plan.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Randomize
