just met our mailman at a party, he asked me out. i said yes, but only if he picks me up in the mail truck. how jealous are you
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Note to self glow in the dark nail polish can be quite the mood killer during sex especially when you notice its working for the first time and you stop everything your doing to do spirit fingers
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
You just kept screaming at everyone 'not to break your scarf' and doing somersaults
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
Now with the essential back story, I can empathize. Sorry about your beer and butthole.
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
