Oh, don't even get me started. Harry Potter is so pure. Twilight is just teenage girl porn.
I just spent the last 30 minutes shaving my asshole.
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
Do you think girls in gamma phi sit around and think about how much they suck?
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
My professor just paused class to answer a phone call from her dog. Im taking shots before this class from now on.
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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