fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
I am more familiar with your toilet than I ever want to be with any appliance
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
ive penciled you in for a day of excessive drinking
Whatever, I used my iphone to send an Escalade to pick up a booty call last week. For free. It is futuristic as fuck out here.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
On another note I am sitting in my bed naked, buzzed, and working on a notecard for my 8:00am test tomorrow. I think I need to make better choices.
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Dreamt I had my own personal vibrator rep, who made house calls. I earned an upgrade to an electric model, since I was burning through batteries. That's it. Time for a bf.
If he wants a future he'd best figure out the calendar function on his phone. If he can invite you to his penis he can invite you to his google cal.
Randomize
