You're perfectly engineered for doggy style
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
I hope, cuz I was gunna get "celebritory drunk" but now I have to get "I'm disappointed drunk"
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
GOOD NEWS I CAN BRING THE VODKA IN MY LUGGAGE
Taking care of a girl who just peed on my floor so tonight is not a good night for sex
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I have so many feelings about this burrito
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
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