There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She woke up 3 seperate times, each time she had a look of pure terror on her face, she had no clue where she was.
The only downside so far to having a guy roommate is that when he's doing a walmart run, I just can't bring myself to ask him to pick up a pregnancy test for me. I feel like that's just too much too soon.
I KNOW. I'm like, ew who are these ppl. And then I remember I'm traveling to New York to accidentally hook it with two different dudes in one weekend.
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I couldn't even tell you how many times I've said "wrong hole" today
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