i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
My 11 year old cousin is wearing a Jane Austen fan club t shirt. I'm trying not to tear into her, but I'm five coronas deep and losing control.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Getting drunk and throwing things at people isnt the same with you not here. Remember when you dislocated my elbow and then popped it back in in one motion?
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
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