I thought spray tan was a myth
?
You know, something that only happens in Jersey
Yeah, she'd be cute...but she has faith. It's a problem down south.
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
We don't have a ruler. Come downstairs and lay in the snow with a boner so we can see how much snow we've gotten. Put your 8 inches to a less shameful use.
He caught a squirrel with his bare hands twice. Where do you find these people?
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
You always have that cute deer in the headlights look. Thats what made showing you my penis for the first time so disconcerting.
I'm ordering a large vanilla ice cream with rainbow sprinkles so when I vom tonight it will look like lisa frank dolphins in acid trip colors
So immediately after we finished having sex she started singing, "The Circle of Life", put her clothes on and then just left. I think I'm in love.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
I think the best course of action at this point is to cut his balls off to get him to stop reproducing
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
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