i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
we fucked the fort apart but we'll rebuild it after we get some drinks.
So I did end up texting him last night... I asked him how he felt about haircuts... not sure where I was going with that one?
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I named my Roomba after my pot dealer. I have a problem, don't i?
I Woke up still tied to the bed. I would say, it was a good night!
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
He answered the door stark naked. When I called him on it he shrugged and said 'casual Friday ' Some boys can't be trusted to work from home.
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