Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Peed in a sink tonight. That drunk. I'm not proud of myself for what I did. But to carry it out with such class. I should be awarded
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
Waking up drunk is great, waking up drunk and hanging with your mom is even better.
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
Randomize
