i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
Just pooped at the strip club. NOT NORMAL . I may be a little too comfortable here.
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
Hey fuck you and your taint. I'm just riding a canoe called life, back the fuck off. P.s. I need a ride
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
And then you screamed, "I JUST WANNA POUR MAPLE SYRUP ALL OVER HIM AND RAVISH HIS BODY!!"
I used to want you to marry him...Now I just think you deserve a bigger penis than that.
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