I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
eating jello out of the cup. with my face. while on the toilet. i am at my lowest.
How the fuck you gonna play love don't cost a thing in a strip club?
let me just inform you that suppository-ing xanax is glorious
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I let my daughters ex boyfriend take me home from the bar. Hey, at least he's old enough to drink
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
Randomize
