i found out what alaskan girls practice during those six months of darkness
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
Are you seriously trying to guilt me into sending you naked pictures by saying "So I can look at them during dialysis" ?
Is it working?
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
Randomize
