i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I make one hell of a fire on Ambien. Other life choices not so much. But fire. Fire I can do.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Wait, but now I'm curious. In what position were y'all when the cops came? Were you guys butt ass naked in the car? 😂😂
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
We made out in front of everyone INCLUDING his girlfriend. And no one saw. THAT DRUNK!
As you were falling you yelled out, "save my burrito!" Priorities
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