i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
We already established this. No, he did not cum on the dog.
i'm gonna start fucking more girls with asthma. help feed my ego.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
I should start handing out wavers before I have sex with someone. 1. Do you have anything to do tomorrow? 2. Are you ok with sleeping 12 hours from exhaustion. 3. Are you ok with a limp?
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
We won 11 games of beer pong, and then I spent a half hour trying to get into the top bunk. Then i realized it was a cabinet in the bathroom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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