Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
New low: eating a buttered roll while taking a shit.
This is why we're soulmates.
BOOOOOOOOOOOO *takes away your hoe card*
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
Do you know how difficult it is to masturbate with Christmas carols stuck in your head?!
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